I’ve not been hired to write the biography of fictional character Marion “Cobra” Cobretti. Here are some excerpts.

“The only time the other boys would include Marion in their playground games was when there was a snowball fight. Marion was a lousy throw. The boys would team up and pummel him until he had no choice but to retreat back into the school.

One day, the volleys became too much. He packed a snow around a rock and threw it at the fattest, meanest kid in school. The fat boy thought it would be funny to headbutt Marion’s snowball out of the air. The sound was like a bowling ball being dropped on a sidewalk.”

 

“It was a muggy day in August when Marion’s mother left him in the car while she grocery shopped. She forbade him from leaving the car. Marion tried to focus on the latest issue of ‘Boys’ Life’ but the heat became unbearable. He stripped naked and threw his clinging clothes aside.

It took him under 10 minutes to chew his way through the backseat. He kicked in the panel leading to the trunk and crawled in. Once inside, he screamed as loud as his six-year-old lungs would allow and thrashed against the trunk’s roof like a live wire. An elderly couple pushing their cart past heard Marion’s commotions and yelled for someone to call the police. When Mrs. Cobretti was taken away in cuffs, Marion smiled crookedly and adjusted the sunglasses an officer had given him.”

 

“When 13-year-old Marion exited the bicycle shop – new light in hand – his bike was gone. He asked a group of girls standing across the street if they had seen who had taken it, but they only threw him looks of repulsion and turned away. He asked the owners of the adjoining shops if they had seen the culprit and he was met with the same disdain.

That night, as the townsfolk slept on their cold-shoulders, Marion went house to house stealing every bike he could get his hands on. He collected over 30 of them, including his own.

The next morning the townsfolk awoke to a bicycle bonfire in the town square. When the fire trucks arrived, Marion was behind the school practicing his bunnyhops.”

 

“No one said anything to his face, but Marion knew the entire senior class was making fun of him for taking his little sister to the prom. He didn’t want to go, but his old man promised he’d pay for the 1950 Mercury’s vanity plate if he took Beth. After the second slow dance, he’d had enough.

When Beth went to the restroom, Marion slipped the Roofie into her punch glass. He walked over to quarterback Joey Levin, who Marion noticed was eyeballing Beth all night, and suggested he ask Beth to dance. He obliged and Beth passed out halfway through “Spirit in the Sky.”

Joey was sentenced to five years in prison and 10 more on probation. That summer, before Marion entered the police academy, he gave Beth all the rides she wanted in the Mercury.”